Doncha hate meetings? Most do.

But even though they’re often an enormous waste of time, meetings still happen in every business, every day. Consider these ways to make meetings shorter. Some are so obvious it hurts. Some are sort of mean.

Only hold a meeting if it’s really necessary. Duh. But how many completely useless meetings have you been to?

Start on time.

Punish latecomers. Charge them a buck. Make them serve coffee. Do this in a good-natured way. The idea is to humiliate them just enough that they change their behavior but not so much that they resent (or sue) you.
Set a crystal-clear agenda. “We are here to decide X.” And stick to it. If Y and Z come up, note them down and get back to X.

Make clear at the outset how long the meeting will last. Set a clock on the table for all to see.

If you have droners/babblers/pontificaters, establish a limit for how long any one person can talk. Use an egg timer. Really.

Ban toys. No Blackberries, iPods, or cellphones to interrupt the meeting or distract the inattentive.

Schedule meetings for first thing in the morning. People are more alert, and (we hope) still intending to get something done that day.

Hold meetings standing up. Stand-up meetings are one-third shorter than sit-down meetings. (Statistic just invented by Working Girl, but she bets she’s right.)

Keep the meeting room a little cold. Cruel but effective! People will want to get the business done so they can get back to their more-comfortable desk.

Don’t provide cookies/donuts/candy. Yeah, a lot of people think they need to bribe people to come to meetings by supplying food. But food is a distraction. It’s noisy. It’s messy. And who needs the calories.

If you follow these rules, you will have short, productive, pleasant, even peppy meetings. You will get stuff done. Your co-workers (except the droners) will love you. Your boss will love you. You will love you.

Work will be a better place.